I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize