D3 body, D1 cock
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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