hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
