i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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