I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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