Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
