Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
