As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
