the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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