and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
