I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
