every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
