I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize