I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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