Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
