is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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