she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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