omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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