i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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