Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
this hospital has no fireball
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
