Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
