Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
