My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
