i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
