he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
