Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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