you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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