Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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