I cannot find my penis.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My vagina just clenched in fear
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
