fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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