Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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