It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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