Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
it's like heaven, but drunker
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
