i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
