I think I died a long time ago.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
