The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
