Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
