I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
