I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
