We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
