So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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