So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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