She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
