I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Is it penis luge time yet?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
