He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
