this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
