i need an iv and a liver transplant
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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