Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
