she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
