What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
