My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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