the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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