Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
