Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
