I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize