It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
