so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
