Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
