Just fell off a train. Bad.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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