this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
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I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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