youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
