It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
