i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
