I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
