I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
