i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
