I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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